Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
