Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
