Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
