She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
