I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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