my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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