I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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