He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
