I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
