Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
