There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Don't make out with my wife yet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
