WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
