I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
