your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize