areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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