i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
