Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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