Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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