1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
