Duck Duck Cougar?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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