im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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