Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
