I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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