drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
