he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
