Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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