I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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