OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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