idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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