I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
