if you like me you must not know who I am
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
