I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
