My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
as a side note pls kill me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
