just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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