i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
