its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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