You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
