I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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