i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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