there's paper in my vomit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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