So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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