I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
