took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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