so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
