She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
