My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
