Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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