I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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