The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
