You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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