Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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