so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
