I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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