If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
