is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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