went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
