I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
