Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

Need sex. Gaining weight.

Fav 12 917 2966
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(708): View more from Illinois

so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.

Fav 16 4816 1139
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(845): View more from New York

i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore

Fav 20 5760 1451
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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list

Fav 5 1835 806
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(206): View more from Washington

I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2

Fav 9 1573 811
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(512): View more from Texas

My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?

Fav 11 934 2310
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(703): View more from Virginia

This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls

Fav 2 740 492
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(908): View more from New Jersey

wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house

Fav 0 20 45
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(563): View more from Iowa

dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes

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