Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
